Dedee

My big sister and one of the biggest clowns in our family. :) I love her dearly and am soooo glad to have her in my life. Though we don't spend much time at all together, since she lives in Arkansas and i live in Mississippi, i cherish all the time we spend together.

I plan on taking a road trip to her house to see she, her husband, and all my cousins. Well, i call them my cousins cuz it's easier. Because of the adoption, all her children are near my age so i call them my cousins instead of nieces and nephews. lol

My sister Dedee is a total goofball. Her volkswagon's name is Daisy, and it is quickly becoming a giant daisy. lol Its hubcaps and headlights are daisies, she had daisies littering the hood, daisy seat covers, and a daisy steering wheel. lol Noone drives her cherished daisy without seeing her first. or else.

Dedee and her husband Chris are the parents to four wonderful kids, whose company i absolutely cherish. They are probably, no, definitely the loudest group in our family, but there's never a dull moment. I hope I'm as good a mother as Dedee is. :) :)

Every time i go visit them in Arkansas makes me want more and more to move up there and go to college in the north. They go hiking all the time, which is one of my favorite pasttimes. They have the most beautiful state park in the next town over, and the weather is absolutely amazing.

Dedee is an elementary teacher, which is exactly what i plan on being one day. :) I love little kids as much as she does, and i just know that her classroom has got to be both chaotic but stimulating for all the little rascals.

I love Dedee and hope that one day we have the really really close relationship that i've been dreaming of for so many years.

Alice in Wonderland and Crickets

A great great story, it is. I've always wanted to be Alice. She's a Princess of a sorts, in a very confusing world. She goes the the most fascinating places and meets the most eclectic people. Children and adults both are absolutely fascinated by the story, when in reality we all live a life like Alice's.

We don't need to dream crazy dreams to find wonder in the world. We all simply need to open our eyes and appreciate the weird, the disgusting, the taboo, and the terrifying. The fantasy world Alice slips in to is everywhere in our lives. We see it every day, but can't fully appreciate the many unusual things we discover. Maybe it's human nature to take everything for granted.

I'm attracted to the weird, the unusual, the downright horrifying things in life just as much as the beautiful. I can find just as much joy watching bats during their hunt as i can watching a baby smile for the first time. It's all beautiful.

This weekend i found a whole new appreciation for bugs.... yes, i said bugs. :) People in the United States think it's Taboo to eat bugs of any sort. Well ya know what? I got over that fear real quick. I ate Cricket this weekend and by God, they were awesome. lol Shun me if you must, but i enjoyed myself.

I've decided that from now on I'm not going to rule out anything weird before i at least consider trying it. I want more excitement in my life. I want to scare the crap out of myself more often and laugh about it later.

I want to be Alice and experience the wacky and unusual. I want to get lost in a whole new world. I'm going to open my eyes today and see whet i've never seen before.

money is the devil

The more and more i think about it, the more i realize how much i truly hate the monetary system. It's pitiful to think that we as human beings are so greedy that we absolutely have to have this nasty little thing called money.

Money is the biggest stress in my life. I'm paying for a million and one things right now. I have to work to go to school, go to school to have a good job. I have to pay to have a car, to protect it, to keep it up to par. I have to pay to talk to friends, to use the restroom, drink water, see in the dark, get an education, and the list just keeps going on.

It's sad.... but kinda funny. We're paying to live. Period.

It's really not that bad, i mean, i get really really stressed and it's stupid. I have this new philosophy about everything stressful: "i don't care." But why? Well, because i stressed and cried and had panic attacks enough to implode, and it didn't help any. If i tell myself enough that i just don't care, then i feel alot better and alot less stressed. Worrying gets you nowhere, ever. The end. So i'm just not going to care. :)

[[Insert hysterical scream here]]

Is loving a person more beneficial or harmful to your emotional health?

My answer to that question really depends on my current mood. Right now i'm indifferent.

It's a great feeling to know that you're constantly on someone's mind and in their heart. It's lovely to know that someone cares about you enough to take on an emotional burden or to jump in front of a bullet for you.

But what about the anxiety you feel when the one you love is in trouble?
What about the worry when they're sick or depressed?
what about the constant fear that you'll do something wrong to upset them?

Does it really balance out?